Crumpled Up

I Miss God- Endurance

2012-02-06T12:03:00.002-06:00

I've recently begun training for my first ever 5k. I've never been a runner, so I'm surprised at how easily I seem to be tolerating the training... walk a little run a little... By the end of the week I'm supposed to run 20 minutes straight. I don't see how that will be possible, but I'm guessing since it's part of the training somehow my body is going to cooperate. I was pondering all of that this morning and wouldn't you know this verse was forwarded to my inbox:

For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.

~ James 1:3

I thought for sure by now (four years in) God would have reset the way he speaks to me. I desperately wish things were different but for today... I'm chalking it up to my growing endurance.

I Miss God - Keep on

2011-02-07T11:52:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I find it hard to "Keep On". But, then I read things like this and know somehow I'll come out on the other side of this. I wish it was sooner than later... but for now, I'm trying to be patient, believe, and keep asking.

I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry.

~ Psalm 40:1, NLT

And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him

~ Hebrews 11:6, NLT |

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

~ Matthew 7:7, NLT

I Miss God - Don't Abandon Me

2011-01-13T14:36:00.001-06:00

The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me.

~ Psalm 138:8, NLT

I Miss God - Surely.

2010-12-03T14:18:00.001-06:00

I love all who love me. Those who search will surely find me.

~ Proverbs 8:17, NLT

I Miss God - Still.

2010-10-08T21:54:00.005-05:00

I can barely believe that it's been three years since my original post titled "I Miss God". It feels so much longer than that now. And if you're missing God too, you know exactly what I mean.

"Hold My Heart" by Tenth Avenue North

How long must I pray, must I pray to you?
How long must I wait, must I wait for you?
How Long til I see Your face, see You shining through?
So many questions without answers, Your promises remain.

Download the song on itunes.

I love that he says "waiting is being content with being discontent." Yep, that's me. I miss God - still.

I Miss God - Working on an answer...

2010-09-13T10:58:00.006-05:00

Found this verse particularly intriguing. Maybe God is all ready working on an answer...

I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!

~ Isaiah 65:24, NLT

I Miss God - But, believe I'm not abandoned.

2010-09-03T09:42:00.001-05:00

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.

~ Psalm 9:10, NLT

I Miss God - So I will know He is good?

2010-08-10T10:46:00.002-05:00

Such a fascinating verse. Reading the first half makes complete sense. The last part makes it more interesting though.

The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.

~ Lamentations 3:25, NLT

Cheers to a dependent search.

I Miss God - Words of encouragement

2010-07-21T11:34:00.003-05:00

So, I just read through several more comments on my original post "I Miss God". I am so in awe of the fact that people continue to share their thoughts and create this place of encouragement for the next person searching for God online.

I just got a batch of Bible verses in my inbox and they are smacking me in the face. Thought I'd share a few words of encouragement.

For I am waiting for you, O Lord. You must answer for me, O Lord my God.

~ Psalm 38:15, NLT

I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain.

~ Psalm 3:4, NLT

I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.

~ Psalm 120:1, NLT

For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

~ 2 Corinthians 4:17, NLT

Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.

~ John 14:1, NLT

And this one drives me insane!

Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.

~ Jeremiah 33:3, NLT

Insane because I truly felt like before I quit hearing from God, he was telling me REMARKABLE SECRETS about things to come. Not for me necessarily, but about things He was doing. And I went from a euphoric secret keeper to begging for a crumb. Aaaaaahhhhh... I guess I will keep asking and believe that answers and secrets will come again one day.

I Miss God - Give It Back

2010-07-08T15:04:00.006-05:00

Heard this song a few weeks ago and felt it was somewhat of an anthem for us... the God Googlers.

Sixpence None The Richer - "Amazing Grace" (Give it Back) off the My Dear Machine ep.

I knew a song that played in me
It seems I've lost the melody
So please, lord, give it back to me
Yeah please lord, give it back to me
Years in the desert with no drink
Strike the rock, make it bleed
And please lord, give it back to me
Yeah please lord, give it back to me

If you'll blow on the embers
The light will shine on my face
The streams will run in the desert
And sing amazing grace

You're everywhere in every time
And yet you're alwyas hard to find
So please, lord, I don't wanna sign
No please lord, I don't wanna sign

I need your breath on the embers
I need the light on my face
I need the streams in the desert
That sing amazing grace
That sing amazing grace

I MIss God - and so did they.

2010-06-01T20:23:00.002-05:00

But Lord, be merciful to us, for we have waited for you. Be our strong arm each day and our salvation in times of trouble.

~ Isaiah 33:2, NLT

I guess having a community of people waiting on God is no new concept. Loved reading these ancient words in my inbox this morning. Helps me feel less alone in my waiting. Hope it does the same for you.

I Miss God - Not all who wander are lost.

2010-05-27T14:41:00.003-05:00

I was intrigued when I eyed this bumper sticker the other day. I've often heard the expression, but it resonated loudly with me this time.

A little research and digging as to where the phrase originated from:

All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter is a poem written by J. R. R. Tolkien for his fantasy novel The Lord of the Rings. It alludes to an integral part of the plot. The poem reads:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.[1]

I Miss God - Are you quiet or...

2010-05-12T11:34:00.003-05:00

Last week I was randomly looking at the twitter home page and this popped up.

prodigaljohn "Are you quiet lately or am I loud?" (Question I ask God sometimes.)

Not sure if you're familiar with him but after digging around I discovered that he wrote the humorous "Stuff Christians Like" book and subsequent blog.

I've asked the question too. You?

I Miss God - Wandering for 40 years?

2010-05-12T10:32:00.002-05:00

Every night before my daughter's bedtime we read a story from "The Beginner's Bible." Of course it's very simplified (and if I was completely honest... watered down) but I'm always amazed at how re-reading the stories I have come to know like the back of my hand still strike me in different ways.

Last night we were reading about the Israelites and how they wandered for 40 years. Man. That's crazy talk. I feel like I've been searching around for WAY too long all ready... I certainly hope I don't have 36 more years of this to go!

Even still, it was somewhat of an encouragement to me. We're not alone. We're not freaks of spirituality. We're human. We're on a journey. And I have faith that we'll get there at some point! Keep one foot in front of the other until then!

I Miss God... Prone to Wander

2010-05-10T10:59:00.004-05:00

The words of the late Robert Robinson (1735-1790) rang true as someone played this beautiful melody on the guitar this weekend. I was singing to my baby girl and to be honest, by brain was on auto pilot until my heart heard the words my mouth was forming. "Let thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love."

To be honest I STILL wrestle with the notion that I have gone anywhere. But one thing is certain- something has changed. find great comfort in knowing it's not just me who feels this.. it's you too. It's all the people still googling "I Miss God" and commenting on a post I made a couple years ago. It's all of humanity that has walked on before us.

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

1. Come, thou Fount of every blessing,
tune my heart to sing thy grace;
streams of mercy, never ceasing,
call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
mount of thy redeeming love.

2. Here I raise mine Ebenezer;
hither by thy help I'm come;
and I hope, by thy good pleasure,
safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
wandering from the fold of God;
he, to rescue me from danger,
interposed his precious blood.

3. O to grace how great a debtor
daily I'm constrained to be!
Let thy goodness, like a fetter,
bind my wandering heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

I Miss God... The community

2010-02-02T12:38:00.005-06:00

So many people have left comments saying it's nice to know they aren't alone. Someone sent me this verse today and when I read the surrounding scripture... it seemed to be a message to our little community of misfits!

Maybe this is for you, maybe not. But just wanted to let you know... you're not alone! Keep searching. I LOVE verse 24. Sometimes you just have to believe what you can't feel!

Jude 1 (NLT)

20 But you, dear friends, must build each other up in your most holy faith, pray in the power of the Holy Spirit,21 and await the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will bring you eternal life. In this way, you will keep yourselves safe in God's love.
22 And you must show mercy to those whose faith is wavering. 23 Rescue others by snatching them from the flames of judgment. Show mercy to still others,* but do so with great caution, hating the sins that contaminate their lives.*
24 Now all glory to God, who is able to keep you from falling away and will bring you with great joy into his glorious presence without a single fault.25 All glory to him who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are his before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time! Amen.

I miss God... so I will realize I need him?

2010-01-15T09:36:00.003-06:00

On my way home last night, I was thinking again about how I miss God. Things used to seem so perfect, but I wouldn't necessarily say they were genuine at times. I'd like to think I've grown over the years in my understanding of a personal relationship as opposed to just following the guidelines I was taught. Processing that REALLY made me miss God even more. Seems like just when I finally felt that I was beginning to know Him personally instead of just have a good knowledge of sound doctrine everything came to a screeching halt.

I don't know what your situation is. We might have completely different stories. I've been blessed with a pretty easy life. I was raised in the shelters of church, private schools, and a Christian home. I was taught to do the right things so I did. I have no regrets. I just think I found "safe" and rarely veered into the unknown.

As I processed through that a new thought occurred to me, maybe I'm going through this so I will actually realize that I need Him. Not just miss Him. Need Him.

What do you think?

I Miss God - the waiting

2009-10-25T11:57:00.000-05:00

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

~ Psalm 37:7, NLT

I Miss God... Wander vs Wonder

2009-10-13T15:09:00.005-05:00

I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word.

~ Psalm 119:67, NLT

Found this verse very interesting. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be saying this. But for now, I don't think I've wandered from God as much as I've just wondered why things seem so different. Either way, I just long for that close feeling again.

I Miss God... the continuing journey

2009-10-05T14:50:00.002-05:00

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

~ Jeremiah 29:13, NLT

It's verses like this that encourage, frustrate, and intrigue me. I miss Him so much and yet I know He's speaking to me in small ways still. Even like receiving this verse in an email from an old friend who has no idea that I've been going through this for so long.

Encouraging- because I know it's true and that at some point, I'll find Him

Frustrating- because I don't understand what's standing in the way of me finding Him now

Intriguing- because I know He knows all of this and we're still walking it out

Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a while and Rita Springer, one of my favorite worship leaders, was leading the music. She sang a song I hadn't heard before but the words ROCKED because it's exactly how I feel in this time... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere... I just wish I could "feel" You more, God. I can't find the lyrics online, I think it's a new song but the main hook of the chorus just said

"I am in this forever."

It's true... I am.

I just wish it was easier or more clearly outlined sometimes, but even still... I am in this forever.

The Wandering Wonderers (I Miss God)

2009-09-20T21:32:00.004-05:00

Much to my dismay, I have been less than diligent maintaining this blog. Surprisingly, I keep getting anonymous comments on one of my very first posts. It blows me away every time I get a notification. What is so interesting is the reason WHY people keep commenting. No lie, if you google "I miss God" my blog pops up in the search list. I keep e-finding myself in the company of many people who miss God. And though I don't know these people and am not likely to ever meet them, it's amazing how encouraging it is to feel surrounded by others walking through the same thing.

I still miss God.

I wish I could say things had changed. While I know God is near and He still reveals Himself in different ways to me, I still miss the way things used to be. And to be honest, I'm starting to think that things will never be the same. Nor am I sure that things should ever be the same. It's just an unnerving process.... still. What I thought was a "season" in my journey has turned into a "period." Yet still I wait.

The phrase that popped in my head when I thought of this community "The wandering wonderers." We google God. We haven't stopped searching for Him even in the most bizarre and technical ways.

If that's you out there, you're not alone. I'd love to hear from you. And even though we don't always "feel" it, I'm reminded:

The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.

~ Psalm 145:18, NLT

One Handed

2009-07-06T22:30:00.003-05:00

I sit here typing one handed due to the 10 lbs sweetness cuddled to sleep in my other arm. I'm all ready catching little glimmers of God's amazing heart towards me just 6 weeks into my own parenting journey. I see myself in her unknowing stubborness. I laughed early on as she cried and shook her head for food and it was right in front of her the whole time but she struggled to find it. It was an instant reminder to me of how God is always near me yet I panic and struggle to find Him. I sense His delight when I take the time to focus in and talk to him. There's nothing like the feeling I get when she turns her head to my voice or better yet smiles at me! I'm reminded of Matthew 7:11
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" i'll keep sharing the tiny insights I'm gleaning. It will just take me a while to post when she's napping! please forgive any typos as I learn to do life one handed!

It's the final countdown

2009-03-19T16:22:00.003-05:00

Well, we're in the final countdown...

10 weeks to go until we meet our baby girl. In some ways it feels like forever and somehow I know it's right around the corner. Everyone keeps asking, "Are you excited?" My answer is "We're really excited. And scared. But really excited."

I'm sure that this will be a life changing experience. I can't wait to see who she looks like or if she'll be as crazy in real life as she is dancing and kicking around in my belly! It's still surreal at this point.

I was putting things away from our first shower the other day. I put a bottle cooler in our pantry along with some baby spoons and a dishwasher rack especially designed for little baby accessories. As I pushed a few things to the side I thought, wow... this is real! I'm not just putting her stuff in a closet any more. Her stuff is really going to be all around our house. She's going to be here. I didn't say anything, I just tried to process it. It was funny to me when Jody made a similar comment to me the next day. He said seeing those few little items in the pantry made it all sink in. Never mind the crib and tiny clothes hanging in the closet. Until now that's been kind of the room where we put her stuff. It was different seeing things as part of our life too!

Right now we're just trying to enjoy our last two months as a couple and we're eagerly anticipating everything that lies ahead. (And cleaning out closets, and finishing taxes, and working, and everything else that spring time demands.)

We're excited. And scared. But mostly excited!

It's a....

2008-12-23T22:41:00.003-06:00

We got to see Santa's newest helper at our ultrasound today... hint... Pretty in Pink!

1+1=3

2008-10-14T13:33:00.003-05:00

So, looks like we'll have a new addition to the family somewhere around May 24, 2009. Should be interesting. I'm sure there will be many more posts to follow :)

Where The Light Is

2008-09-21T21:23:00.002-05:00

I watched this DVD today. You may not care for John Mayer. However, if you care about artistry... it's DEFINITELY worth watching. I found it inspiring. Here's why. It's not a formula. I never know quite what to expect. He's constantly changing the melody, rhythm, and guitar riffs from the way they were recorded. Everything is outside of the box. I love it.

It makes me happy the same way I feel when I listen to Mindy Smith,Nickel Creek, or Diana Krall. Truly creative. It will make you never want to touch an instrument again!

Check out the trailer, and if it peaks your interest... pick it up soon!

2000 pennies for your thoughts

2008-09-17T09:51:00.002-05:00

A pretty place for your thoughts...

A friend of ours makes these amazing journals. She has a new one coming out soon. Makes a great treat for yourself or gift for someone else $20 and shipping is free if you pre-order now from www.joydeeann.com Here's a sneak peak...

Konner & Jesus

2008-08-20T09:54:00.000-05:00

I wish I was posting a different kind of update... but, this one is with heartache.

Konner passed away yesterday around 5p. I don't have any details, but wanted to let you all know.

Please pray for Konner's family - John (dad), Amanda (mom) Brooklyn (big sister), and Morgan (big brother).

The only comfort is in knowing that Jesus has restored Konner completely now. Even if it's not it the way we all had hoped and prayed.

Tenth Avenue North

2008-06-25T21:32:00.004-05:00

In the midst of all of the updates, I neglected to blog about one thing I've been very excited to announce! The band I've been working with has their first national cd in stores.

Look for Tenth Avenue North's cd "Over and Underneath" wherever you buy music.

I know I'm partial, but I LOVE every track on the cd (a rare occurrence these days). There is so much truth and hope contained in the words of the songs. And the music is amazing! What a combo :)

If you've been reading along previous to Konner's posts... you know that I've been in a rough season of life. God's been speaking in different ways. It's been a hard transition for me, yet full of discovery. I've really been forced to face myself in many areas I'd rather leave in a dusty corner. I can truly say this music has encouraged me, echoed the cries of my heart, and taught me many truths. I can't help but recommend it to as many people as possible.

They style is intellectual, melodic, pop rock. Somewhere in the vein of the lighter side of switchfoot meets snow patrol with the mass appeal of a casting crowns or chris tomlin.

But don't take my word for it. Listen to it for yourself : www.myspace.com/tenthavenuenorth

Update & Letter from Konner's Mom

2008-06-05T11:27:00.000-05:00

6.5.08

Konner’s angiogram has been postponed until next week sometime. He spiked another fever yesterday, and they didn’t want to go ahead with the procedure. They put him on antibiotics again, and the fever was better at the end of the day yesterday. He does have a touch of pneumonia, so they put him back on the oxygen mask so he can breath deeper to help with that. Amanda didn’t get to hold him again yesterday because of the mask. Please pray for healing and strength for all of them.

____

EMAIL FROM KONNER'S MOTHER:

From: Amanda Sykes
Sent: Wednesday, June 04, 2008 9:15 PM
To: RISD
Subject: Thank you from the Sykes family

I just wanted to touch base with everyone who has been so wonderful to me and my family before everyone leaves for the summer. It is really hard for me to know exactly what to say (which is why I am grateful to Mrs. Joyce and April for taking care of this for me normally). I wish I could tell everyone things are wonderful and all of our prayers had been answered. Unfortunatley, we are not there yet. I have not given up by any means, but as I watch children come and go from the unit, I get a little more frightend every day that my Konner may not leave here the way I want him to. The doctors are wonderful here, but sometimes their frankness hurts. I have never felt emotions the way I have the last 31 days.

I did not mean to ramble like this-let me get to the point. John and I have been absolutley blown away by the support from the redwater community. It has been absolutley amazing what you have done for us. Your thoughts and prayers have helped carry us through this so far. You just can not imagine what that means to someone going through this kind of situation. I can't believe that it would have been the same if we were anywhere else. We are truley blessed to have friends like all of you.

As I try to stay focused on what is best for Konner, I ask that you would pray that God will do just that-what is best for Konner. This is very hard for me to ask, but John and I don't want to be selfish and put him through unessessay pain. So I am still desperatley praying for him to be healed, but IF God is not going to grant our miracle, I ask that he go ahead and take him home. I ask that you pray for the same thing for Konner.

Again thank you for everything!

Sincerley,

Amanda Sykes

My heart breaks for the Chapman's

2008-05-22T00:15:00.000-05:00

I found out earlier this evening that one of Steven Curtis Chapman's younger daughters was accidentally hit by a car driven by her brother. She passed away after being airlifted to Vanderbilt Children's hopsital.

My heart is broken for them all.

They are so passionate about their work with the orphans in China. She is one of their adopted daughters. Along with the release of his new album and the success of the song "Cinderella" he had just finished a book about the relationship between a dad and his daughter.

If you have been reading my posts lately, you know I've been passionate about praying for Konner and his family . I TRULY believe God has been preparing me to pray for these two families. Please join me in praying for Konner's full recovery and for comfort and healing for the Chapman's.

My favorite adjective for God is...

2008-05-17T01:25:00.002-05:00

CRAZY.

I know, maybe it sounds a little ireverant... but I seriously can't explain the way He moves in any other way. It's the crazy that's kind of shocking, thrilling, wild crazy.

As you may have noticed, I've been extremely passionate about spreading the word about Konner. Strange because I don't know him or his family. But I was immediately committed to share the story with everyone possible.

So many amazing reports have come back about people being similarly passionate about sharing Konner's story. It's encouraging to see the body of Christ "e-unite." Who knew the internet could be used for so much good.

I've truly been blown away by everyone diving into this with me. And imagine my surprise when I found out that my husband's band is now apart of a benefit in Texas for Konner! I was giddy today when I found out. God is just crazy like that. If you care to be humored with the details, read below:

We are from Texarkana, TX. We moved here to Nashville, TN about 2.5 years ago when Pocket Full of Rocks signed with Word Records. In the time we've been away Texas they have started a semi pro baseball team. Pocket has been scheduled for a few months to perform at the opening day game. God of course knew the timing of all of this, but how ironic that this would fall around the same time as Konner's accident. And now, we physically get to go back to TX and be apart of blessing his family. I can't really explain why this means so much to me. I don't even know the Sykes, but I'm so excited. God is crazy in how he orchestrates things so beautifully. It's quite amazing.

Keep Praying for Konner

2008-05-08T21:12:00.006-05:00

------
UPDATE 5.7.08

Konner had a good day Wednesday. His pressure stayed low & the results of the body scan showed no additional injuries! He is in a medically induced coma because they know he would not be able to bear the pain if he were awake. I heard he did try to wake up night before last, but they want to give his body time to rest & heal without him feeling the pain.

Please continue to pray for Konner, John, Amanda, Brooklyn & Morgan.

----

URGENT UPDATE 5.8.08

Konner's pressure was at an 8 this morning which is good...it went up this afternoon & they were not able to get it down with medication. They took him in for another brain scan.

He still has good vitals & his liver is healing on its own. Continue to pray...although this is great news, he is still in critical condition.

Monetary donations can be made at any Capital One Branch in Konner Sykes name Account #3312108592 or by contacting Rebekah Minter 903.276.3081/ 903.671.2220/ bekah310@valornet.com

-----

UPDATE 5.9.08

Just found out that the scan yesterday afternoon revealed no bleeding & a little fluid, but not enough to drain. The pressure was still high because of the swelling of the brain & the medication was not working as they had hoped. They will continue to give him the medication in hopes it will do some good.

Thank you for your concern & prayers! Amanda & John have asked that we pass on their appreciation for all of the support!

SECOND UPDATE 5.9.08

Konner's pressure (from the brain swelling) stayed high through the night, so this morning they put a probe on the left side to measure the pressure. It was the same as when it was on the right, so they are just waiting for it to come down on its own. The medication is still not working as they would like. His vitals are still good.

Konner Sykes

2008-05-05T11:29:00.008-05:00

This is VERY strange for me to ask... but, I had a very weird thought when I was backing out of the drive way this morning... I'm not a parent, but this exact scenario popped in my head and I wondered what I would do in this situation. I guess God was wanting me to be prepared to pray for this family today.

Please join me!!!

Thanks,
Lani

--------
* Copied bulletin *
Redwater, TX family

I just got some news that one of our 2nd grade teacher's little boys was accidentally run over by her husband (his dad). He is being air-lifted to Little Rock with extensive head injuries, bad facial damage, a broken collar bone, a broken rib, a collapsed lung, and his arm is broken in 2 places. The doctors are giving him a 50/50 chance right now. His name is Konner Sykes. He's almost three years old. His dad was on his way to go buy his birthday present when he hit him. Please pray. This is a precious, sweet family.

--------

UPDATE:

He is in a coma and not responding. Conner underwent surgery yesterday to his skull, lungs and liver. He has broken bones that have not yet been repaired. This is a family in great need of all the prayers and hope we can give them. Please ask everyone you know to add them to their prayer list.

---------

UPDATE
Someone just talked to Amanda and they did a scan on Konner's brain and there didn't appear to be any damage just a lot of deep bruising. They said it could take a couple of days for some things to show up. He is in a coma. He has some retinal bleeding from his right eye and possibly eye damage. He is having spinal fluid coming out his eyes, nose and ears which is good because that relieves swelling on the brain.

---------

UPDATE
They did a ct scan in the night, and there was a little blood in his brain. They would have liked there to be none, but they can work with a little. His liver is healing itself right now. His levels were 1000, now they are 500. They want them to be 100. His arm is in a light cast to keep it from moving. They still have not fixed it yet. Today, they are going to do a full body scan to make sure they did not miss any other kinds of internal injuries.

Ms. Joyce said Amanda sounded better. John was sleeping in the room. She wanted to make sure they're eating and getting rest, and Amanda said they are trying. Ms. Joyce told her they needed to keep themselves healthy so when he gets out, she can keep up with his fast little self. Amanda liked the sound of that.

Please continue to pray for them.

NO UPDATE AS OF 5/7/08 please keep praying, I'll keep you all updated!

The Irony

2008-04-28T23:02:00.003-05:00

So, I blogged below about my misfortune with sunglasses. To update you, the new white pair was never found. So I went and bought a black pair. The black pair broke in my purse last week. I think this blog is a curse! I'm going to buy another pair this week. I have a feeling my next ones are going to last! For now, I'm just wishing I hadn't tossed the bug eyes. That would be better than squinting!!!

Out With The Old

2008-03-20T10:48:00.007-05:00

I looked through a rack of sunglasses and tried some on that I thought were cute. I really needed a new pair because I'm the kind of person that wears sunglasses until the break, get lost, or become so clouded with lens scratches they are no longer fit for driving. The latter has been my most recent problem. I'm actually pretty proud. I have had these glasses for two years. I got this cheap old pair from Target and I thought they were kind of fun, movie- star -ish.

Apparently I was wrong.

My husband quickly let me know that he thought these glasses looked like bug eyes. They were too large. Ouch... I have been wearing these eye sores for 2 years... Seriously, don't let me look terrible for that long. Tell me sooner!!!

So I bought these....

Which Ironically I have all ready lost after only 2 days of use!!!

So it's out with the old and in with the new.

More glasses coming soon...

On The Road Again

2008-03-03T14:56:00.006-06:00

This weekend I found myself in a van for 20 out of my 48 hours off . Road Trip with Pocket. I rarely get to go on these anymore, so I jumped at the opportunity fully aware of the price. The price? 1 van, 10 people, 10 hours, 1 sitting position, 6 greasy fast food meal opportunities and luggage abounding. My body was less than thankful but, I survived.

We pulled up to the church and I was the last one out of the van. A familiar face peeked in and asked, "What's your name?" I re- introduced myself, "I'm Lani." "I'm Keith", he said. Awkward pause and he was gone as quickly as he appeared.

I tried to get back in the swing of things by helping set up the merch table. Admittedly rusty in all my previous duties... I tried to re-familiarize myself with everything.

Once that was done I went inside the auditorium and waited for sound check to end. Keith came up to me and began to tell me his story. "I had to jog my memory a little, but it's all coming back to me. When you were here last time about three years ago, Michael had everyone pray for me and you came up and prayed for me to have a wife. The funny thing was that I had just been on a first date with a girl the week before and I knew there was something different. We got married and she's here tonight."

Well, I remember the story different. I remember Michael asking everyone to gather around and pray for Keith. I remember the pounding in my chest. I remember a few phrases popped in my head that I knew weren't from me. I remember each terrified step towards the front of the church. I remember every word that came out of my mouth. Every word except... the words that seem to have made the biggest difference!

As he was thanking me for praying I couldn't have been more bewildered. I vaguely remember the wife prayer. Honestly, that's not even like me. I don't get my kicks out of match making. How in the world was he not most impacted by all the other "powerful" things that I was lead to say? It further confirms that I have no idea what I'm doing!

Being on the road again was a great reminder of my tiny, yet significant place in the grand scheme of things.

Embarrassed that I need to diet.

2008-02-11T12:21:00.015-06:00

Want a good way to compare cultures and economies?

What is eaten in one week

Italy : The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

Germany : The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

United States : The Revis family of North Carolina
Food expenditure for one week $341.98

Mexico : The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

Poland : The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

Egypt : The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

Ecuador : The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

Bhutan : The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03

Chad : The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

U23D

2008-02-09T21:01:00.000-06:00

U23D.

You must go.

See it in an IMAX theater if possible.

It's worth every penny.

I've never experienced a live U2 concert but I would dare to say this would be equal, maybe better. The definition is amazing. At times you're Bono. At times you're in the crowd watching the concert. You can reach out and grab a mic stand. You can read the drummers water bottle label. It's so incredible!

Even if you aren't a U2 fan I think your quality of life will be improved by this experience.

On a humorous note, Jody left his 3D glasses on the microwave. When one of my piano students asked why we had them I answered, "They are from the U23D movie." To which she immediately asked, "Is that like the Hannah Montana 3D movie?" I was and still am at a loss for words.

History repeats itself.

2008-01-19T01:28:00.000-06:00

It was a terrible idea. I knew it from the moment I turned the key. But my propensity to please kept my foot steady on the gas, although my decision fluctuated like a dieter's scale.

"I probably should NOT be doing this."

" Well, it's not that big of a deal."

"It's getting bad out here."

"It's not really that bad."

Back and forth in my mind- still unsure as I took the exit. With a determination built of shear goodwill and stupidity I continued turning down the less than familiar, dark country road. Each new snowflake racing toward my windshield brought a twinge of fear. With wipers on high, I struggled to find the driveway leading to the log cabin. Halfway up the small mountain, cleverly disguised as a hill, I lost my traction. My ambition was melting. My compact car had met it's match.

Who knew teaching music lessons would require 4wd! But, imagining these kiddos full of excitement because of the snow and their first music lessons kept me driving in that direction. I didn't want to wuss out on them. They were counting on me!!! I had made it this far... I didn't want to turn back... but, I just couldn't make it up that hill. Not by myself anyway!

My friend Tammy came down to get me. She is the petite yet fierce queen of this hill. A northern driver who can navigate this terrain with the best of them! I was so relieved when she picked me up. My relief quickly turned to shock as her minivan masqueraded as a 4x4 pick up truck. She whizzed up the snow covered mountain barely escaping trees, throwing rocks out of the back tires, and narrowly squeezing past the corner of the house into the driveway. I never had time to be scared it all happened in such a blur.

The scene was all to familiar... only 5 years before, almost to the day, I had been in the same situation. Same hill, same weather conditions. This time a different reason, car, and rescuer. But, you get the idea. How odd! They say history repeats itself.

I guess we all get "stuck" on our own little uphill climb sometimes. Just when it seems like you're moving forward the wheels start spinning and you begin to slide back. It's frustrating. But, keep on! Just when you need it most, a Friend will be there to help you get back on the right path. Sometimes, you just have to move over and let them do it for you :)

LC

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

2008-01-04T16:35:00.000-06:00

On the eve of my 28th birthday... I am reflecting back over the birthday memories of years past. I've celebrated in so many different ways. Each unique and memorable... but, the one that stands out most to me is my 8th birthday. The one that, at the time, I would say was the WORST! I laugh now remembering:

We had only lived in Georgia about 6 months. I was so excited to have all of my new friends come over. Pizza, games, friends… what more could an 8 yr old want? Everything was going spectacular until table hockey became more popular than me. What’s worse is my friends didn’t want to listen to my rules about how the games should go. Worse than that my parents didn’t make everyone stop and do it my way. They were all seriously disrespecting the birthday girl!

I know you are starting to feel really sorry for me. Thank you. Yeah right… what a brat! I should have been having the time of my life. The fading 35mm pictures spell it out clearly. I am sitting on the couch while a half dozen wide eyed girls are hovering over the hockey game. I missed out on the joy of my own birthday because I got wrapped up in myself.

Twenty years later, the sad truth is my selfish nature hasn’t really changed that much. It’s just that all of the variables have changed. It’s not usually about friends and games anymore, it’s about opportunities, possessions and well, yeah… still friends and family.

The good news is... I’m learning that I have to take responsibility for myself. There’s only one person I can force to change. Her name is Lani. I’m learning the beauty of other options. I’m learning that there are many ways besides my way.

I wonder how many more of candles I'll blow out before I really get the hang of this thing. Baby steps... baby steps!

LC

Your Amazing Story

2007-12-27T22:39:00.000-06:00

I just realized that it's been a dreadful, awful long time since I've blogged. So, just to sneak one in for December.... here goes!

It's been an amazing Christmas season. I've had an unusual amount of time away from work. Jody and I have enjoyed our time with each other and friends and family. We've also experienced an abnormal amount of rest and relaxation. It's been truly transforming!

On our way home from visiting family in Texas, we were were scanning through radio channels. We inadvertently landed on NPR listening to a program called "This American Life." Unbelievable stories of people surviving seemingly impossible situations. It was so inspiring... so crazy! I was sad when we crossed the river in Memphis and lost signal.

I was most inspired by the last story about a woman and her two kids who were held hostage in their house for several days. Her refusal to show fear allowed her to stay in control of the situation entirely. You have to check out the story... listen to it online for FREE here:

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=346

(It's an hour long episode... her story is last... at the time marking 43:29)

Anyway... as I began to think about how encouraging it is to hear about people stories and the things they have overcome... a thought popped in my head. It was one of those God thoughts I believe...

I'd love to ask you to consider writing up a short account of a time when against all odds, God came through for you. If you're comfortable doing this, just post it in the comments here.

Imagine what faith can be stirred up in all of our hearts! Can't wait to hear YOUR amazing story.

LC

The Shack

2007-11-12T23:32:00.001-06:00

I found myself in a rare and wonderful predicament this weekend... home alone with nothing to do. So, when an unexpected package from Amazon.com showed up at my door... I took it as a sign that I should do something I never do. READ A BOOK! (Fiction at that)

My friend had been telling me about this curious and amazing book he had read that really changed, tweaked, and stretched him. I knew the title vaguely. I honestly forgot about our conversation until I received the package the following week. (I have great friends!) I'm not much for fiction, but I trusted his judgement. So, I decided I'd jump into the book over the weekend.

"The Shack" by William P. Young. Hmm... cool cover. What? Eugene Peterson has a very strong quote on the front:

"This book has the potential to do for our generation what John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress did for his. It's that good!"

That's an endorsement if I've EVER heard one! Very strange summary on the back:

"Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack..."

I was very intrigued to see how in the world these two statements could possibly be referring to the same literary work.

Sat. 5:30p - I crack open the cover. What???? There's an endorsement from my pastor in the front cover? Crazy. I am definitely supposed to be reading this book. Preface....

Sat 6:00p- I'm getting kind of hungry. Dinner first and then I'll pick up chapter 3. Why oh why did I start this book when it was dark? It's a little creepy to be here all alone reading a story about a murdered girl and a man holed up in an abandoned shack. I've got to know what happens though...

Sat 8:30p- Phone rings. Jody checking in on me. Gosh, had no idea it was all ready so late. "Jody, this book is good. WEIRD. But really good. Okay, talk to you soon." (Click) Ch 8 continues....

Sat 10:30p- Phone rings again. Good night Jody. Be safe tomorrow. (click) Ch 11

Sun 12:00a- Finishing Chapter 14. Hmm... I should really go to bed. But, I really can't stop. I am learning way too much. I've got to know how this ends. There's no way I'll remember it all in the morning. There's so much deep thinking! Ok, I can do it...

Sun 2:00a- reading the website links and how to get involved in the online community. Utterly amazed at how small of a box I have put God in. In AWE of the beautiful way I've just seen the Holy Spirit. So happy that I know Jesus. (And I won't lie... a little scared. WHY DID I READ THIS BOOK AT NIGHT ALL ALONE?)

I almost can't explain how this book has touched me. If you love theology and your view of God, you'll probably despise this book. It only took me 9 hours to get through the book. But it's quite possible that these truths and challenges will continue to change and mold me for the next 9 years. I have a lot to chew on.

I usually don't like reading fiction because if I'm going to read, I would rather be reading something that helps me. Imagine my surprise that a fiction work would change my heart much more than any Christian Living book ever has.

"The Shack".

LC

Priorities, Necessities, Dreams, and Distractions

2007-10-19T23:33:00.000-05:00

I've been having such an inner crisis with myself for the past month or so. Sparing you the whiny details, I (like every other human being) struggle with balancing priorities, necessities, dreams, and distractions. Pretty much in that order. The tension is unrelenting. What do you do with that?

If you've read the past few entries here, it's no secret that I've been trudging through this journey. It's not for lack of desire. I wouldn't even say lack of effort. I know that God sees me right where I am. There's obviously something to be uncovered here in this waiting. It's getting almost humorous. I'm just awkwardly waiting here. Still sweating it out. I'm desperate for a breakthrough. Yep. He knows it. But, I am still waiting. He is still silent. It's unnerving.

One of the verses from church this morning brought me a lot of hope.

Psalm 145:19
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them.

There you have it. Enough hope to keep on waiting! I'm kind of eager to see how this will all go down. I'll keep you posted!

Hear the sermon: The Fear That Blesses

LC

In My Absence

2007-10-05T13:57:00.000-05:00

In my recent absence from this space, there has been a lot going on. A lot. I've wanted to write so many times. But, I can't explain it. I just couldn't. I'd try to think of something clever. Nothing. I'd try to just post something real. I just couldn't.

I started reading another blog. A blog of some friends. I am so inspired by their story. I am so inspired by her writing. They just had a baby and have lost her to a chromosomal disorder. I should have posted this for you all to read sooner. But, please check out the link or find it in my "Lani Links" section and pray for them if God puts it on your heart.

While I sat in Copeland's Memorial service we sang hymns I've heard a thousand times. But in that moment I was so keenly aware of eternity- I listened with new ears. They touched me in the deepest place of my heart. Of all the songs to catch me of guard... "Jesus Paid It All."

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Jesus. He's real. He's everything he said he was. He's the only reason to have hope in spite of tragedy.

LC

I Miss God

2007-10-05T13:48:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking today how much I miss God. On my way to work today I passed a flashing sign that said:

Romans 11:29
for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

And then when I got to work someone sent me this verse:

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:7, NLT

Funny that out of no where I get those two random verses. I guess he misses me too.

The Best!

2007-09-13T20:53:00.000-05:00

I was telling Jody how terrible I felt for discouraging a friend the other day. I can't believe I would do that. I am awful! I told him how I am often disgusted with myself.

"You shouldn't be. You are great."

I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting him to be disappointed. He wasn't saying it was OK for me to go around putting people down... he was just loving me inspite of me.

A few years ago, I was on my way home from a day trip to Dallas, TX which was about 3 hours from where we lived. I pulled over at this lake/park that I had seen a few times when I’d driven through. It was just such a pretty day and I’d always been kind of drawn to this place and said one day I’ll stop. I made it a point that day. There’s something about being surrounded by beauty that brings all the life in me to the surface. But, as I got out of my car and walked around the park I began thinking about all of the undesirable things that were in my life. It’s like beauty was challenging me to get rid of the ugliness inside.

Earlier that week our pastor had challenged us to ask God what He saw when He looked at us. I thought it was kind of a hokey question. But it was the only thing I could think of that would break the tension I was feeling. So I stopped and walked out onto the rocks and just sat down.

I didn’t expect much, but I asked God,

“What do You see when You look at me?”

I just thought He was going to say something like,

“I see you searching for me and keep it up!”

I was still wondering what the answer was when this phrase popped in my mind.

“I see the best.”

I was kind of in shock and giddy. That was not my thought. It was totally how God chose to answer me. He sees the best in me. That’s what He looks at. That’s all He can look at. He won’t look at my sin. He said He sees the best in me!!! He sees the best in you! Let’s do a round of cartwheels! When he looks at us he sees the best!

LC

When the going gets tough... the tough get growing

2007-08-28T22:27:00.000-05:00

I've had my share of work experience over the years.... from life guarding to accounting and a variety of jobs in between. I've punched my time card in the Corporate, Small Business, and Self Employment machine. Still, I entered the world of music management ill prepared.

I recently reached a breaking point. My back and neck were constantly stiff. At some point each day my stomach would end up in knots. I thought through scenarios instead of falling asleep. I became a walking complain-a-thon. Work stress. fun.

I recounted some of the wretched details with a friend last week. Relieved that the stress is now only a bad memory, we laughed at the whole crazy situation. I'm not going to lie... I hope I NEVER have to deal with something that complex again. However, talking it over made me realize something. Something I don't want to acknowledge. Something good.

I came to the point where I realized I couldn't even do my job with out God's help. That was a new concept to me. Until that time, if I needed God's help it was because I needed a better attitude towards the difficult people that came across my path. I'll just say it... the stupid people. I didn't really need His help to perform my actual tasks. Wrong-O. wrong. wrong.

I was so busy I wasn't getting to bed on time. Since I wasn't getting to bed on time, I wasn't getting any time to myself in the mornings. I was squeezing out every last nano-second of sleep before I had to get up. I was literally on autopilot- work, eat, sleep, repeat . The perfect formula for a meaningful life. Right.

I had to make a change. I had to get up earlier, exercise and hang with God. The prompting of a friend and my husband confirmed it. But, how could I possibly do that? I had no energy all ready. I was exhausted! The first week, I gave it a try. Wow. It worked. I don't feel terrible. The second week... the same... and so the cycle began. The past several months, these common sense steps have pulled me through.

Looking back, I had to live through the stress to understand my need for God at work. Sad. But, that's how I learned. I cringe to admit that the bad turned out for good. It's so cliche, I want to roll my eyes. But, it's true. To add one more to the cliche pile... I guess I've learned that when the going gets tough... the tough get "growing."

LC

Keepin' It Real

2007-08-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

I laughed today when I found this very honest, very real prayer in an old journal entry. It kind of tied in with "The Thrill of The Chase." I thought I'd be extremely transparent and post it just in case anyone needed to know that it's ok to pray what's really in your heart.

"God- why do I feel like such crap inside? I need more of You.
You’re kingdom- it’s coming. What am I going to do with my life?
Why am I letting everything be so hard? Yuck- it’s all I feel.
Am I doing anything at all that is real? Eternal Reality?
God, give me a heart that honors You.
I want to seek You with all of my heart. "

I've probably prayed similar prayers a million times, maybe worded a little more reverently... but these are the questions my heart is always asking. I have a feeling that somehow even in these moments that there is more going on than I can see. I think my roll in eternity is developing more every day even when I don't "feel" it. I'm just trying to keep it real!

LC

The Thrill of The Chase

2007-08-24T20:51:00.000-05:00

Remember tearing wildly through the playground chasing after a classmate? The pursuit itself was the adrenaline rush, nevermind who was actually able to catch up.

Lately I've been feeling a little lazy, a little lost, a little left out spiritually speaking. It's extremely frustrating. Just a year ago I was hearing the voice of God more clearly than ever before. And now.... nada. zippo. Maybe an occasional twinge of His presence, but for the most part the silence has settled in. Where did He go? He was just right here and now I don't know where He went. What did I do? Maybe I "wandered away" or did something so awful He had to leave. So now what?

A few weeks ago my eyes fell on these ancient words "Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek Him" -I Chronicles 16:11. (Guilt and Shame enter stage right.) Unexpectedly, in the moment just before i began to beat myself up, a thought popped in my head that radically changed my understanding of the words. It became clear that if I'm being told to "Search for the Lord" then God must be the one on the move... or I wouldn't have to seek Him! Maybe it's not my screw ups that chased Him away. Maybe it's more like a game of chase that little children play and I'm the one pouting on the sidelines because I couldn't keep up. I got tired and worn out or just distracted from chasing Him... which brings me to the next amazing part of the verse that says "search for the Lord and for His strength." What? He knows that I get tired and distracted? I can find strength and focus to keep going? Ooops! I've just been searching for the Lord but definitely not for the strength to do it. It totally makes sense that I tucker out. Which brings us to the amazing ending of the verse. "Search for the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him." If I really tapped into His strength, I would be able to continually seek Him. Wow.

Recap:
- Continually seek Him = He is the one who is always moving.
- He's moving = I need to get up and follow Him.
- Ability to keep chasing = strength from Him.

I wish I could say that since this amazing revelation, I've conquered this. I've still barely begun to apply the lesson... but, I'm seriously thinking about dusting myself off and losing the pouty lip. Every time I see Him whizzing by, it breathes life into me.

Things aren't that different from when I was young. It's still the thrill of the chase that keeps me wanting more.

LC