I Miss God - the waiting

Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.

~ Psalm 37:7, NLT

I Miss God... Wander vs Wonder

I used to wander off until you disciplined me; but now I closely follow your word.

~ Psalm 119:67, NLT

Found this verse very interesting. Who knows, maybe one day I'll be saying this. But for now, I don't think I've wandered from God as much as I've just wondered why things seem so different. Either way, I just long for that close feeling again.

I Miss God... the continuing journey

If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

~ Jeremiah 29:13, NLT

It's verses like this that encourage, frustrate, and intrigue me. I miss Him so much and yet I know He's speaking to me in small ways still. Even like receiving this verse in an email from an old friend who has no idea that I've been going through this for so long.

Encouraging- because I know it's true and that at some point, I'll find Him

Frustrating- because I don't understand what's standing in the way of me finding Him now

Intriguing- because I know He knows all of this and we're still walking it out

Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a while and Rita Springer, one of my favorite worship leaders, was leading the music. She sang a song I hadn't heard before but the words ROCKED because it's exactly how I feel in this time... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere... I just wish I could "feel" You more, God. I can't find the lyrics online, I think it's a new song but the main hook of the chorus just said

"I am in this forever."

It's true... I am.

I just wish it was easier or more clearly outlined sometimes, but even still... I am in this forever.

The Wandering Wonderers (I Miss God)

Much to my dismay, I have been less than diligent maintaining this blog. Surprisingly, I keep getting anonymous comments on one of my very first posts. It blows me away every time I get a notification. What is so interesting is the reason WHY people keep commenting. No lie, if you google "I miss God" my blog pops up in the search list. I keep e-finding myself in the company of many people who miss God. And though I don't know these people and am not likely to ever meet them, it's amazing how encouraging it is to feel surrounded by others walking through the same thing.

I still miss God.

I wish I could say things had changed. While I know God is near and He still reveals Himself in different ways to me, I still miss the way things used to be. And to be honest, I'm starting to think that things will never be the same. Nor am I sure that things should ever be the same. It's just an unnerving process.... still. What I thought was a "season" in my journey has turned into a "period." Yet still I wait.

The phrase that popped in my head when I thought of this community "The wandering wonderers." We google God. We haven't stopped searching for Him even in the most bizarre and technical ways.

If that's you out there, you're not alone. I'd love to hear from you. And even though we don't always "feel" it, I'm reminded:

The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.

~ Psalm 145:18, NLT

One Handed

I sit here typing one handed due to the 10 lbs sweetness cuddled to sleep in my other arm. I'm all ready catching little glimmers of God's amazing heart towards me just 6 weeks into my own parenting journey. I see myself in her unknowing stubborness. I laughed early on as she cried and shook her head for food and it was right in front of her the whole time but she struggled to find it. It was an instant reminder to me of how God is always near me yet I panic and struggle to find Him. I sense His delight when I take the time to focus in and talk to him. There's nothing like the feeling I get when she turns her head to my voice or better yet smiles at me! I'm reminded of Matthew 7:11
"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" i'll keep sharing the tiny insights I'm gleaning. It will just take me a while to post when she's napping! please forgive any typos as I learn to do life one handed!

It's the final countdown

Well, we're in the final countdown...

10 weeks to go until we meet our baby girl. In some ways it feels like forever and somehow I know it's right around the corner. Everyone keeps asking, "Are you excited?" My answer is "We're really excited. And scared. But really excited."

I'm sure that this will be a life changing experience. I can't wait to see who she looks like or if she'll be as crazy in real life as she is dancing and kicking around in my belly! It's still surreal at this point.

I was putting things away from our first shower the other day. I put a bottle cooler in our pantry along with some baby spoons and a dishwasher rack especially designed for little baby accessories. As I pushed a few things to the side I thought, wow... this is real! I'm not just putting her stuff in a closet any more. Her stuff is really going to be all around our house. She's going to be here. I didn't say anything, I just tried to process it. It was funny to me when Jody made a similar comment to me the next day. He said seeing those few little items in the pantry made it all sink in. Never mind the crib and tiny clothes hanging in the closet. Until now that's been kind of the room where we put her stuff. It was different seeing things as part of our life too!

Right now we're just trying to enjoy our last two months as a couple and we're eagerly anticipating everything that lies ahead. (And cleaning out closets, and finishing taxes, and working, and everything else that spring time demands.)

We're excited. And scared. But mostly excited!