Priorities, Necessities, Dreams, and Distractions

I've been having such an inner crisis with myself for the past month or so. Sparing you the whiny details, I (like every other human being) struggle with balancing priorities, necessities, dreams, and distractions. Pretty much in that order. The tension is unrelenting. What do you do with that?

If you've read the past few entries here, it's no secret that I've been trudging through this journey. It's not for lack of desire. I wouldn't even say lack of effort. I know that God sees me right where I am. There's obviously something to be uncovered here in this waiting. It's getting almost humorous. I'm just awkwardly waiting here. Still sweating it out. I'm desperate for a breakthrough. Yep. He knows it. But, I am still waiting. He is still silent. It's unnerving.

One of the verses from church this morning brought me a lot of hope.

Psalm 145:19
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them.

There you have it. Enough hope to keep on waiting! I'm kind of eager to see how this will all go down. I'll keep you posted!

Hear the sermon: The Fear That Blesses


LC

The Thrill of The Chase

Remember tearing wildly through the playground chasing after a classmate? The pursuit itself was the adrenaline rush, nevermind who was actually able to catch up.




Lately I've been feeling a little lazy, a little lost, a little left out spiritually speaking. It's extremely frustrating. Just a year ago I was hearing the voice of God more clearly than ever before. And now.... nada. zippo. Maybe an occasional twinge of His presence, but for the most part the silence has settled in. Where did He go? He was just right here and now I don't know where He went. What did I do? Maybe I "wandered away" or did something so awful He had to leave. So now what?

A few weeks ago my eyes fell on these ancient words "Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek Him" -I Chronicles 16:11. (Guilt and Shame enter stage right.) Unexpectedly, in the moment just before i began to beat myself up, a thought popped in my head that radically changed my understanding of the words. It became clear that if I'm being told to "Search for the Lord" then God must be the one on the move... or I wouldn't have to seek Him! Maybe it's not my screw ups that chased Him away. Maybe it's more like a game of chase that little children play and I'm the one pouting on the sidelines because I couldn't keep up. I got tired and worn out or just distracted from chasing Him... which brings me to the next amazing part of the verse that says "search for the Lord and for His strength." What? He knows that I get tired and distracted? I can find strength and focus to keep going? Ooops! I've just been searching for the Lord but definitely not for the strength to do it. It totally makes sense that I tucker out. Which brings us to the amazing ending of the verse. "Search for the Lord and for His strength; continually seek Him." If I really tapped into His strength, I would be able to continually seek Him. Wow.

Recap:
- Continually seek Him = He is the one who is always moving.
- He's moving = I need to get up and follow Him.
- Ability to keep chasing = strength from Him.

I wish I could say that since this amazing revelation, I've conquered this. I've still barely begun to apply the lesson... but, I'm seriously thinking about dusting myself off and losing the pouty lip. Every time I see Him whizzing by, it breathes life into me.

Things aren't that different from when I was young. It's still the thrill of the chase that keeps me wanting more.

LC