History repeats itself.

It was a terrible idea. I knew it from the moment I turned the key. But my propensity to please kept my foot steady on the gas, although my decision fluctuated like a dieter's scale.

"I probably should NOT be doing this."

" Well, it's not that big of a deal."

"It's getting bad out here."

"It's not really that bad."




Back and forth in my mind- still unsure as I took the exit. With a determination built of shear goodwill and stupidity I continued turning down the less than familiar, dark country road. Each new snowflake racing toward my windshield brought a twinge of fear. With wipers on high, I struggled to find the driveway leading to the log cabin. Halfway up the small mountain, cleverly disguised as a hill, I lost my traction. My ambition was melting. My compact car had met it's match.

Who knew teaching music lessons would require 4wd! But, imagining these kiddos full of excitement because of the snow and their first music lessons kept me driving in that direction. I didn't want to wuss out on them. They were counting on me!!! I had made it this far... I didn't want to turn back... but, I just couldn't make it up that hill. Not by myself anyway!

My friend Tammy came down to get me. She is the petite yet fierce queen of this hill. A northern driver who can navigate this terrain with the best of them! I was so relieved when she picked me up. My relief quickly turned to shock as her minivan masqueraded as a 4x4 pick up truck. She whizzed up the snow covered mountain barely escaping trees, throwing rocks out of the back tires, and narrowly squeezing past the corner of the house into the driveway. I never had time to be scared it all happened in such a blur.

The scene was all to familiar... only 5 years before, almost to the day, I had been in the same situation. Same hill, same weather conditions. This time a different reason, car, and rescuer. But, you get the idea. How odd! They say history repeats itself.

I guess we all get "stuck" on our own little uphill climb sometimes. Just when it seems like you're moving forward the wheels start spinning and you begin to slide back. It's frustrating. But, keep on! Just when you need it most, a Friend will be there to help you get back on the right path. Sometimes, you just have to move over and let them do it for you :)

LC

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

On the eve of my 28th birthday... I am reflecting back over the birthday memories of years past. I've celebrated in so many different ways. Each unique and memorable... but, the one that stands out most to me is my 8th birthday. The one that, at the time, I would say was the WORST! I laugh now remembering:

We had only lived in Georgia about 6 months. I was so excited to have all of my new friends come over. Pizza, games, friends… what more could an 8 yr old want? Everything was going spectacular until table hockey became more popular than me. What’s worse is my friends didn’t want to listen to my rules about how the games should go. Worse than that my parents didn’t make everyone stop and do it my way. They were all seriously disrespecting the birthday girl!

I know you are starting to feel really sorry for me. Thank you. Yeah right… what a brat! I should have been having the time of my life. The fading 35mm pictures spell it out clearly. I am sitting on the couch while a half dozen wide eyed girls are hovering over the hockey game. I missed out on the joy of my own birthday because I got wrapped up in myself.

Twenty years later, the sad truth is my selfish nature hasn’t really changed that much. It’s just that all of the variables have changed. It’s not usually about friends and games anymore, it’s about opportunities, possessions and well, yeah… still friends and family.

The good news is... I’m learning that I have to take responsibility for myself. There’s only one person I can force to change. Her name is Lani. I’m learning the beauty of other options. I’m learning that there are many ways besides my way.

I wonder how many more of candles I'll blow out before I really get the hang of this thing. Baby steps... baby steps!

LC

Your Amazing Story

I just realized that it's been a dreadful, awful long time since I've blogged. So, just to sneak one in for December.... here goes!

It's been an amazing Christmas season. I've had an unusual amount of time away from work. Jody and I have enjoyed our time with each other and friends and family. We've also experienced an abnormal amount of rest and relaxation. It's been truly transforming!

On our way home from visiting family in Texas, we were were scanning through radio channels. We inadvertently landed on NPR listening to a program called "This American Life." Unbelievable stories of people surviving seemingly impossible situations. It was so inspiring... so crazy! I was sad when we crossed the river in Memphis and lost signal.

I was most inspired by the last story about a woman and her two kids who were held hostage in their house for several days. Her refusal to show fear allowed her to stay in control of the situation entirely. You have to check out the story... listen to it online for FREE here:

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=346

(It's an hour long episode... her story is last... at the time marking 43:29)

Anyway... as I began to think about how encouraging it is to hear about people stories and the things they have overcome... a thought popped in my head. It was one of those God thoughts I believe...

I'd love to ask you to consider writing up a short account of a time when against all odds, God came through for you. If you're comfortable doing this, just post it in the comments here.

Imagine what faith can be stirred up in all of our hearts! Can't wait to hear YOUR amazing story.


LC

The Shack

I found myself in a rare and wonderful predicament this weekend... home alone with nothing to do. So, when an unexpected package from Amazon.com showed up at my door... I took it as a sign that I should do something I never do. READ A BOOK! (Fiction at that)

My friend had been telling me about this curious and amazing book he had read that really changed, tweaked, and stretched him. I knew the title vaguely. I honestly forgot about our conversation until I received the package the following week. (I have great friends!) I'm not much for fiction, but I trusted his judgement. So, I decided I'd jump into the book over the weekend.

"The Shack" by William P. Young. Hmm... cool cover. What? Eugene Peterson has a very strong quote on the front:

"This book has the potential to do for our generation what John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress did for his. It's that good!"

That's an endorsement if I've EVER heard one! Very strange summary on the back:

"Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack..."

I was very intrigued to see how in the world these two statements could possibly be referring to the same literary work.

Sat. 5:30p - I crack open the cover. What???? There's an endorsement from my pastor in the front cover? Crazy. I am definitely supposed to be reading this book. Preface....

Sat 6:00p- I'm getting kind of hungry. Dinner first and then I'll pick up chapter 3. Why oh why did I start this book when it was dark? It's a little creepy to be here all alone reading a story about a murdered girl and a man holed up in an abandoned shack. I've got to know what happens though...

Sat 8:30p- Phone rings. Jody checking in on me. Gosh, had no idea it was all ready so late. "Jody, this book is good. WEIRD. But really good. Okay, talk to you soon." (Click) Ch 8 continues....

Sat 10:30p- Phone rings again. Good night Jody. Be safe tomorrow. (click) Ch 11

Sun 12:00a- Finishing Chapter 14. Hmm... I should really go to bed. But, I really can't stop. I am learning way too much. I've got to know how this ends. There's no way I'll remember it all in the morning. There's so much deep thinking! Ok, I can do it...

Sun 2:00a- reading the website links and how to get involved in the online community. Utterly amazed at how small of a box I have put God in. In AWE of the beautiful way I've just seen the Holy Spirit. So happy that I know Jesus. (And I won't lie... a little scared. WHY DID I READ THIS BOOK AT NIGHT ALL ALONE?)

I almost can't explain how this book has touched me. If you love theology and your view of God, you'll probably despise this book. It only took me 9 hours to get through the book. But it's quite possible that these truths and challenges will continue to change and mold me for the next 9 years. I have a lot to chew on.

I usually don't like reading fiction because if I'm going to read, I would rather be reading something that helps me. Imagine my surprise that a fiction work would change my heart much more than any Christian Living book ever has.

"The Shack".


LC

Priorities, Necessities, Dreams, and Distractions

I've been having such an inner crisis with myself for the past month or so. Sparing you the whiny details, I (like every other human being) struggle with balancing priorities, necessities, dreams, and distractions. Pretty much in that order. The tension is unrelenting. What do you do with that?

If you've read the past few entries here, it's no secret that I've been trudging through this journey. It's not for lack of desire. I wouldn't even say lack of effort. I know that God sees me right where I am. There's obviously something to be uncovered here in this waiting. It's getting almost humorous. I'm just awkwardly waiting here. Still sweating it out. I'm desperate for a breakthrough. Yep. He knows it. But, I am still waiting. He is still silent. It's unnerving.

One of the verses from church this morning brought me a lot of hope.

Psalm 145:19
He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him; He also will hear their cry and save them.

There you have it. Enough hope to keep on waiting! I'm kind of eager to see how this will all go down. I'll keep you posted!

Hear the sermon: The Fear That Blesses


LC

In My Absence

In my recent absence from this space, there has been a lot going on. A lot. I've wanted to write so many times. But, I can't explain it. I just couldn't. I'd try to think of something clever. Nothing. I'd try to just post something real. I just couldn't.

I started reading another blog. A blog of some friends. I am so inspired by their story. I am so inspired by her writing. They just had a baby and have lost her to a chromosomal disorder. I should have posted this for you all to read sooner. But, please check out the link or find it in my "Lani Links" section and pray for them if God puts it on your heart.

While I sat in Copeland's Memorial service we sang hymns I've heard a thousand times. But in that moment I was so keenly aware of eternity- I listened with new ears. They touched me in the deepest place of my heart. Of all the songs to catch me of guard... "Jesus Paid It All."

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.


Jesus. He's real. He's everything he said he was. He's the only reason to have hope in spite of tragedy.

LC

I Miss God

I was just thinking today how much I miss God. On my way to work today I passed a flashing sign that said:

Romans 11:29
for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.

And then when I got to work someone sent me this verse:

Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:7, NLT


Funny that out of no where I get those two random verses. I guess he misses me too.