On my way home last night, I was thinking again about how I miss God. Things used to seem so perfect, but I wouldn't necessarily say they were genuine at times. I'd like to think I've grown over the years in my understanding of a personal relationship as opposed to just following the guidelines I was taught. Processing that REALLY made me miss God even more. Seems like just when I finally felt that I was beginning to know Him personally instead of just have a good knowledge of sound doctrine everything came to a screeching halt.
I don't know what your situation is. We might have completely different stories. I've been blessed with a pretty easy life. I was raised in the shelters of church, private schools, and a Christian home. I was taught to do the right things so I did. I have no regrets. I just think I found "safe" and rarely veered into the unknown.
As I processed through that a new thought occurred to me, maybe I'm going through this so I will actually realize that I need Him. Not just miss Him. Need Him.
What do you think?
5 comments:
I just found this blog after googling "I miss God". I was watching the tv show, Mercy, last night and one of the characters said those words and it described exactly when I am in life. Sometimes I feel so lonely, sometimes angry, sometimes frustrated. Sometimes, I wonder if there is even a god. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. But, I'm so sick of being in this state. A year ago, I would have never, ever thought I'd be where I'm at. But, I can't go back to the "faith" I had. I need TRUTH. Whatever that is. I can't just go through the motions. I think this is what your blog and those who respond to it are saying.
i miss god and his presence. i feel alone, i feel empty and weak. i do not know how to deal anymore.. im getting sidetracked and drifting towards the otherside.. i just want to feel you again. i want to feel happy and content yet once again.. i miss you.. come back.. please.
I googled, "What do I do when I miss God?" And it led me to your blog... I am also in the same boat. As much as I miss God, I realize that I don't want Him right now. I feel selfish, because I want to feel that peace, yet I don't want too much of the "holiness" which will result me to give up my worldly secureness.
Still searching along with you.
Weirdly enough, in the wee small house of midsummer's eve, I felt compelled to admit to Google (of all confessors) that, "I miss God." I learned something recently... She misses us to.
What I mean is that we get so tied up in theologies (do you wanna be an Aquianan, a Pelagian, a Lutheran, etc.) that we TOTALLY miss the point.
The God that *I* worship is one that constantly seeks relationship with us, Her children. She made that pretty blasted clear with She sent Her first-born freaking KID to get stuck with being one of us. Yep... that's a God who wants to understand us... but... can we *really* understand Her?
There's a certain amount of 'erudition' that simply gets in the way. As a fellow student of theos-logos, I have trouble with it too.
Bottom line: theologians need mystics. Find one, and/or become one... I believe you have it in you, if ONLY because you had the courage to write, "I miss God."
Well done, good and faithful servant.
In service to the Crown,
Br. Christopher
(And yes, I *DO* encourage my friends, family and followers to play with the pronouns of the Name of God... it's likely to open up new understandings of our Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer... try it on for size. I suspect you might just like it.)
-C
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