If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
~ Jeremiah 29:13, NLT
It's verses like this that encourage, frustrate, and intrigue me. I miss Him so much and yet I know He's speaking to me in small ways still. Even like receiving this verse in an email from an old friend who has no idea that I've been going through this for so long.
Encouraging- because I know it's true and that at some point, I'll find Him
Frustrating- because I don't understand what's standing in the way of me finding Him now
Intriguing- because I know He knows all of this and we're still walking it out
Yesterday I went to church for the first time in a while and Rita Springer, one of my favorite worship leaders, was leading the music. She sang a song I hadn't heard before but the words ROCKED because it's exactly how I feel in this time... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere... I just wish I could "feel" You more, God. I can't find the lyrics online, I think it's a new song but the main hook of the chorus just said
"I am in this forever."
It's true... I am.
I just wish it was easier or more clearly outlined sometimes, but even still... I am in this forever.